Tag Archives: health journey

Rose-Colored Glasses

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I’m coming back! And this time with a new perspective! Life has thrown me lemons, rotten apples, sour grapes, some knives and even a couple machetes the past couple of years. I have the bruises, bumps, cuts and scars to prove it. AND what have I learned? So, so much!

I have gone through major life events, many at the same time, and feeling like I’m barely making it out alive. I’ve held my pride, sucked it up, made the life changes necessary but I’m still not where I want to be. Why? Because I’m strong, I’m successful, and I have so many things to be grateful for. Life is good. I have many people who love and support me. I have a great job, many friends and two amazing daughters. Yet, I feel stuck. I want a change. Even through all the life changes recently, I am still sitting here saying I need a change. I’ve been thinking about making big changes… stop drinking, go back to the gym, eat only whole foods, change jobs, etc, etc. I start then I stop. Then I start again, and I stop. What is going on?

You may say I should go see a therapist. I suggested yesterday after a hectic day that a mental institution is likely going to call and ask me when I’m coming back. Haha! But today, something changed. I woke up and made an immediate decision to start blogging again. Why? Because I’ve been on a long, very difficult, journey and now, I want to share that journey with you. I hope my struggles, my challenges, my changes I’ve started and stopped, my hectic life can be a sounding board, a launching pad, a small spark of motivation you need to take your rose-colored glasses off and evaluate your life.

I’m so grateful for where I’ve made improvements and changes in my life because I’ve had to over the last couple of years. AND I am not happy. I drink every night. I make excuses for why I don’t make more changes. I’ve been wearing rose-colored glasses when in reality I’m actually sitting pretty darn close to rock bottom. I am not willing to admit I am not where I want to be. I tell myself every day, I am fine. I am a good mother. I am a good employee. I am a good friend. I am all of those AND deep down, I am dying inside. I make myself get out of bed in the mornings. I make myself smile and laugh and tell everyone how wonderful life is. Yes, life is wonderful. AND it can suck too!

AND THAT’S OK! I’m willing to remove my rose-colored glasses and face life and all the lemons, apples, grapes and machetes it throws my way. Want to join me? We can do it together!

Wait or Weight

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Wait or Weight – that is the question. As I mentioned in my last post I had started chelation therapy. I was about a month in then. I completed chelation therapy in about 3 months but not without some challenges. For instance after two months, I had gained 12 ponds. OMG! If you know my history, you know weight is a big deal for me!

After realizing I was gaining weight when I couldn’t fit into some clothes, I went back to my doctor and said “I’d rather be sick than fat”. Not the best attitude to have but I certainly wasn’t prepared to gain that much weight through this treatment. We adjusted the medication to stop the weight gain, but the new medication caused me to get bladder infections. OMG! What is happening?

After further thought, I decided it was better to deal with some weight gain than deal with reoccurring bladder infections. So I was prepared to deal with the weight gain. Good news was the test results after three months showed the heavy metals had been substantially reduced so I did not need to take any more medication! Hallelujah!

Getting to my point…. Having gained 12 pounds in two months, one can likely imagine how fast your self esteem can be impacted. Yes, I was sad, depressed and frustrated. I was not happy with my body and frustrated that I had no control over it. Interesting enough I was going through additional life changes. My boyfriend (now husband) and I were talking about getting married and buying a house together. My initial response was NO! I can’t look like this and get married. We should WAIT! So back to my initial question… wait or weight?

I could WAIT until I lose the weight and then we can plan a wedding or I could embrace my WEIGHT and plan a wedding now. Dave helped me embrace my weight as it shows the world I am strong, I am capable of doing anything including conquering chelation therapy and I can continue to live a life filled with love and compassion even in midst of the trials I was facing.

Moral of the story – don’t WAIT because of WEIGHT! Embrace what life gives you now even if that’s a few extra pounds.

P.S. Dave and I were married August 6, 2021 and yes I was 12 pounds heavier than I wanted to be, but it was the most amazingly perfect day for a true fairytale wedding. So blessed! So Grateful!

Merry Christmas!

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Christmas is a time when I feel so grateful for the many blessings in my life.

First, I am grateful for two beautiful daughters who’s smiles light up any room they walk into. Second, I am grateful for the ability and time to shop (thank goodness its done) for gifts to give my loved ones. Finally, I am grateful for a wonderful church service we attended last night. It brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart as it reminded me this holiday season is about giving gifts from the heart, about sharing time with loved ones and about devouring way too much warm, delicious food yet savoring every bite!

Today, please send me a note or just take a few moments to recall what you are thankful for and have been blessed with this holiday season.  And lastly, wishing you a very Merry Christmas from my family to yours!