Somedays you just want to stay in bed! Today was one of those days for me. I was informed yesterday that what I’ve been treating (Lymes) and the treatment may not have been 100% on target. What? No seriously, what?? My first thought was “Has all the time, money and effort for the last 3.5 years been useless?” Probably not because I am feeling better, yet I’m still not better. So, while that does make sense, the news came as quite a shock.
The facet of tears started yesterday and continued this morning as I laid in bed. Admittingly, I didn’t think I was going to get out of my bed today. I’m angry and I’m sad and I’m frustrated. I may have lost a lot of time, money and effort over the past several years because the treatment was not exactly correct. I knew, as I laid in bed this morning, I needed to look at the positive side that in 6 months I could be a brand-new person. I could feel like a million dollars. That’s what I’ve been praying for! I want to feel better and now I may have that opportunity! That’s something to celebrate! I could have my normal life back. I could be active every day without struggle. I could stop taking medicine every day. I could wake up and jump out of bed. No more pep talks to myself about getting through the day. Yes, that’s all such good news!!
But I couldn’t get myself to that place this morning so I stayed in bed and continued to cry. My attitude didn’t change until a friend wiped away my tears and said, “Lori, look at this as a breakthrough! We may not have known any of this before and now today we do. You’ve been saying you want to feel better, right? Well, in 6 months, you will be!” At first, I struggled to see it that way! But after letting it sink in, I stopped crying, I pulled myself out of bed and I thought to myself… “Oh my goodness, in 6 months I WILL BE BETTER!” Yes, this is a breakthrough!
I will know more after some testing this month. And while I may still have a little pity party for myself today (my sister said that was ok to do), I will take this news and know with certainty there is a light at the end of this tunnel!
Awareness is key! At least that’s what they say! In my case, being aware that I may have a problem was the start to me seeking help.
In 2015, I started to suspect I may have an eating disorder, but I wasn’t quite ready to admit it. I wasn’t willing to talk to my friends or my family about it. I didn’t want to talk to any of my doctors about it. What would people say? Would they view me differently? Would they judge me harshly? In my mind, talking about it meant I was admitting I had a problem. I was very ashamed so….. I did nothing even though I was silently suffering.
At some point in 2015, I saw an advertisement for the Emily Program indicating they helped people with eating disorders so I confidentially reached out to them. To my dismay, I needed a doctor’s referral in order to make an appointment. This made me angry and frustrated. A person should be able to reach out if they needed help! Why is a doctor the only source of entry into the program? As I mentioned before, I wasn’t willing to go to my doctor, so I then questioned if I really had an eating disorder. My eating patterns hadn’t changed, but maybe my eating disorder wasn’t as bad as people who were in the program. If the program doesn’t take “walk-ins” then I must not have a problem. So, again, I did nothing! Again, I continued to suffer in silence.
Don’t give up they say! Fast forward to late 2016 when I met Elda Dorothy through a networking group. Elda, through her business, Compassionate Truth, works with clients using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique aka Tapping). Prior to Elda, I had seen a few videos and read a few articles on tapping, but it wasn’t something I knew or cared much about. However, I had heard SO MANY wonderful things about Elda and while our paths crossed at the annual conference, I hadn’t had the pleasure of speaking with her. So when I finally had an opportunity to meet with Elda in 2017….WOW…everything I had heard was true! Elda was and still is the most sincerest, kind-hearted, caring, genuine and generous person I have ever met. What I didn’t realize was how much Elda and EFT would change my life!
Stay tuned…..and don’t ever give up!
If you would like more information on EFT, please message me or reach out to Elda Dorothy at https://live.vcita.com/site/eldadorothy.
Summer is unofficially here – my girls are almost done with school and road construction has started! Enjoying the warmer weather makes my commute to and from work so much more satisfying when I can have the windows down and the sunroof open!
Update on my treatment: I’m one month complete and have to report it’s been going much better than expected! I definitely have my tough days, but overall, its been manageable. I still need 1-2 naps a day (yes, sleeping in my car at work is not beneath me) yet feel my energy level is slightly improving. Hoping round two this month brings even better results!
As some may gather from my book and this blog, I am a fighter. I want to be healthy. I will do whatever I can to have a good quality of life, and ultimately, whatever I can do to improve my health. I’ve learned that not everyone has this same attitude. I’ve learned some people, while they value health and life (and may have very different circumstances than I) are not willing to go the extra mile to maintain it, improve it or just keep it. The hard part for me is I learned this recently from my father. His health is failing. He has many problems including diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure as well as not being able to get around without a wheelchair and has constant pain in his legs and feet. This past week he was admitted to the hospital with kidney failure. He was given the option of dialysis, but he refused. He has now been admitted to hospice. He has made the tough decision to not fight for his health, for his life. I do understand his health isn’t good. What’s so saddening for me is he has been my biggest cheerleader when it comes to my health, yet he feels so differently about his. This is a tough lesson to learn especially when it comes directly from my father. I will have to accept his decision, because it is his to make, but I will reiterate that I believe yours (and his) health matters, and its worth fighting for!
Finally, please keep my dad, Tom, in your prayers for his continued comfort and peace.
I love the fall season in Minnesota with the colorful leaves and the fall decorations like big spiders on people’s doors or scary things hanging from the entryways! Just love it. Although it also means we are coming upon “Why do I live here season?” Don’t get me wrong- I enjoy winter; however, I sometimes think I should live somewhere warmer and just enjoy winter from afar! A girl can dream!
I started treatment for Lyme’s Disease two weeks ago and treatment for SIBO this past Monday. Honestly, I have to admit – IT IS KICKING MY BUTT! My doctor said both treatments could make me feel lousy! Lousy is an understatement. I generally have pretty high tolerance for anything but when my daughters have to put me to bed at nights, that’s when I know its been a rough road! Battling with severe fatigue and abdominal pain, flu-like symptoms, RLS, blurred vision, night sweats, etc, etc, etc. Remember this is only the physical side effects, my emotional and mental state is for another blog post!
I am still trying to find humor in all of this which was the case when I made my dad chuckle the other night when I talked to him. He said he was worried about me. So I told him I was worried about me too! Thanks Dad! A little laughter goes a long way especially since this has been the toughest week yet.
On the bright side….. I hope I turned the corner today. I was able to shower and get ready this morning without thinking how much time do I have to nap before starting my day! I’m still severely fatigued, but a little more energy and a little less of everything else! As I say in my book…I may not be where I want to be, but I’m doing the best I can right now!
“When life gets hard, challenge yourself to be stronger” –Unknown
I wish you a joy filled day today and may your Halloween be filled with lots of scary stories, chocolate candy and little smiles as the children run up to your door.